Prioritizing Patience & Reframing Tough Situations

This episode discusses the importance of remining patient while teaching Pilates, even when you find yourself in a difficult situation. We explore the the role of Pilates teachers, the lasting impact of getting frustrated while teaching, and steps teachers can take to stay positive. Tune in! 

I want to hear from you! Share your thoughts and follow the podcast on Instagram and Facebook @pilatesteachersmanual. Full show notes, episode transcription, and chapter markers can be found on the podcast website here: http://bit.ly/pilatesteachersmanual. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast for updates, and rate and review wherever you listen!  Episodes now available on YouTube: *https://bit.ly/YouTubePTM*

Email pilatesteachersmanual@oliviabioni.com with your feedback.  

Show Notes:   

You can purchase the EPUB or PDF version of the book here and convert to a Kindle friendly file here: https://amazon.com/sendtokindle

Support the podcast:   

Get your copy of Pilates Teachers' Manual: The Book at https://book.oliviabioni.com/pilatesteachersmanual

Visit https://shop.oliviabioni.com for podcast merch! 

Visit https://links.oliviabioni.com/affiliates to take advantage of some sweet savings!

Episode Music:

Workout Dance Day EDM by Diamond_Tunes, in compliance with Pixabay's Content License (https://pixabay.com/service/license-summary/)

Listen/download: https://pixabay.com/music/dance-workout-dance-day-edm-123377/

Transcript

 [00:00:00] 

Olivia: Hello, hello everybody. Welcome and welcome back to Pilates Teachers' Manual, your guide to Becoming a Great Pilates teacher. I'm Olivia, and remember, you get the latest updates when you join my community at buymeacoffee.com/OliviaPodcasts or follow along on Instagram at @PilatesTeachersManual. Pilates Teachers' Manual: The Book is available now. You can purchase it and other podcast merch at shop.OliviaBioni.com. I should add that you can also purchase my book on Amazon Kindle. It's on Amazon, which is very exciting. But it is more expensive to account for the large cut that Amazon takes. But there's a very easy workaround.

You can convert any file, including my book, in either EPUB or PDF format to a [00:01:00] Kindle friendly file by going to amazon.com/sendtokindle. You can save your wallet and get the same awesome book and read it on your Kindle. The EPUB format will keep the most formatting, where like the words will fill the page and they'll like, adapt to the right size of your screen.

Just know that the PDF is just a PDF, so you'll likely have to zoom in and kind of move the page around in order to read it. So if you're going the send to Kindle route, I would recommend using the EPUB version of the file to convert. 

Excellent. So today's episode is about patience and what it means to teach Pilates to new people and to really be supportive and encouraging, even when people aren't doing what we're asking them to do or not understanding what we're saying. This is something that's come up for me a lot recently. And so I [00:02:00] wanted to do a little bit of a deep dive on the podcast because we do get a lot of beginners in our classes and not just in January where there's the big, you know, fitness uptrend of people wanting to try new exercises and get in better shape or whatever people are doing in January. Like that always has a big surge of folks. 

But Pilates is also very in right now, so there's a lot of people who are trying Pilates for the first time because their friends doing it or their mom's doing it, or their partner's doing it, . So I think that this applies when you're working with beginners, but also working with anyone. If you're working in mixed level classes, even in leveled classes where you get someone who maybe isn't the right fit for that level. You have to, as a teacher, really be patient with them. I do have an episode that's like specifically about working with beginners.

And there's even a chapter in my book that's tips and tricks for working with beginners. But I do wanna think really seriously in this episode about what it means to be a [00:03:00] teacher and to support someone's growth through Pilates, which is, you know, our language, what we're doing. But really to help someone learn and grow in their practice.

People come to Pilates classes and they'll be in your class for a variety of different reasons. Why do people come to a physical studio to take a class or set aside time in their calendar to do an online class? Lots of reasons, of course, could be their doctor told them that they should do it, or their PT said that Pilates is a really, you know, low impact way to get into exercise. Or maybe they have a friend who is coming with them and encouraging them to try it. The reason I go to classes is I need to be held accountable. And knowing that there's a class on the schedule and there's other people there waiting for me is a big motivator for me, and I know others. A lot of people go for the community aspect.

They wanna work on something together. They don't wanna do it by themselves. They wanna have kind of a team [00:04:00] or like a group energy. And a lot of times also people don't know what they're doing by themselves. Like they want someone to guide them through the exercises and tell them what to do and where to focus and what movements and shapes and things to make. And that's us. Like we are the guides. We are teaching Pilates, we are leading people through this adventure that maybe they wouldn't be able to do by themselves. 

I think it's important to remember that as teachers, we know a lot about Pilates. We think about Pilates all the time, but the people who take class with us really aren't. Sometimes we expect that things are obvious to clients and they may not be obvious. We may have a differing expectation of what they really know or feel comfortable with doing on their own. And whether you're working with beginners or just working with someone who's new to you, it's really important to not let those expectations [00:05:00] set the tone of the interactions that we're having with these people.

I can share that sometimes I see that instructors get really frustrated with people in their class because they aren't doing what they said or they don't know something, and the teacher expected them to know that. That kind of expectation mismatch. I've taught at studios that offer leveled classes and it's really challenging and potentially even annoying when someone is in an advanced class and it says on the schedule, this is an advanced class and it's their second or third class and they don't have a ton of Pilates experience, and it's just not the right class for them.

And I've even commiserated with instructors who have shared, you know, with me, in complete exasperation, like they didn't even know how to gear out. They didn't even know how to do this thing with the straps. Like they didn't even know what teaser was. Whatever is that, you know, exasperating thing, that's the straw that broke the camel's back. Like we've all had bad days and sometimes [00:06:00] that one person who unintentionally is just not getting it, can really strain us. But we can't let that exasperation, A) be our baseline and B) be what we choose to act on when we're interacting with a client. 

' Cause like I hear that frustration, I've felt that frustration, but by definition, we're there to teach Pilates. We shouldn't expect that people know what they're doing because we're there to teach them, to guide them, to show them how to do the thing. And we have a choice when that person comes to our class, that one client, like we can blow them off and ignore them because they shouldn't even be in that class potentially. Or we could get angry because now this class is gonna be harder for us to teach because of this gap in ability. Or maybe we're angry at the studio for letting the person take the advanced class that they really shouldn't be in.

[00:07:00] But those are things that we might feel justified about: being angry, being upset, ignoring the person, blowing them off. But those aren't reactions that help us as teachers. Like they don't help our bottom line. They don't help the studios that we teach at, and they don't help that person who is trying Pilates or doing Pilates, like they're not gonna be able to get all the benefits if we just blow them off when they come to our class, right?

So the best option that I would highly recommend whenever you're in a class is to do our best as the teacher in a room, and maybe there's a group of people, so it can't be a hundred percent individualized, but do our best to help that person, regardless of their ability level, feel successful in our class, and use this opportunity to teach them something that they may not know about Pilates or themselves or the movement.

Like we aren't wrong to feel frustrated when stuff [00:08:00] happens. But if we act out in frustration, we miss an opportunity to gain a lifelong client and share the amazing awesomeness of Pilates with another person.

Every person that you teach in your classes has the potential to be your biggest fan and be in your class every single week, to invite their friends and their colleagues and their family members to come take class with you and wanna do private sessions with you and be like your biggest advocate. Every single person in your class has the potential to be that person, like a super fan.

I teach an intro class every week at Club Pilates South Loop, and it's one of my favorite classes because I know every week I'm gonna get to meet 12 new people and introduce them to the reformer, to how amazing Pilates is, and welcome them into the studio community. And I take that responsibility really seriously.

I've said that it's [00:09:00] easy to feel frustrated, but I want us to combat sliding down that slippery slope and becoming jaded and saying, well, they should already know that. Because, and this is a hundred percent personal and an experience that I had, but I'll share it because I think it applies. In my first semester at university, I was in an accelerated chemistry course and the professor who was teaching that course was set to retire at the end of the year, and it was very clear that they wanted to retire, like now. 

I was struggling with the material in the class, and because it was accelerated, we were covering material really quickly, and so I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I set up a time to meet with this professor in their office hours, and I asked them questions about the material. And the, the first time that I went to the office hours right at the start of the term, the professor turned to me and said, when I asked them the question, you should already know this. I'm not gonna teach you this. And just like, [00:10:00] absolutely shut me down. I almost started crying, like it was so bad. Like I was so lost in that class. And then the person who's supposed to be teaching me is telling me, well, you should already know that. I'm not gonna help you, like at all. 

Like it was really humiliating and you know, you're kind of ashamed and you are vulnerable when you put yourself in a position where you maybe don't know something and you ask for help and then to shoot someone down when they're asking for help is like really not a kind thing to do or a helpful thing to do. And I ended up, like, I went into college pre-med and literally after that class I became a theater major and then eventually an education major. But like, it literally deterred me, like I didn't wanna be in the chemistry department at all because that person was there. So that's not great. So that is an emotionally charged experience and it, that could be, you know, especially triggering for me. 

But imagine just for a moment how a client might feel when they come to a class [00:11:00] in a new studio and they don't know anyone and they don't know you, the teacher, and they don't know how to do Pilates, potentially. And they're looking for guidance and you know, what can we do to foster their confidence and help them along this path, you know? If they feel through your actions that you're saying that they're not good enough or that they shouldn't be there, or that they're annoying you or like wasting your time, they're not gonna wanna come back and they're not gonna get better at Pilates if they don't come back. And they're not gonna get all the benefits of Pilates if they don't come back and you've lost a client with potentially far reaching negative consequences as well. 

There is a customer service aspect to teaching Pilates, that we are providing an experience, especially at a studio. We've got this beautiful, curated space and it's lovely and it's bright and it's clean, and you know, people are coming [00:12:00] here, they're taking time out of their very busy days to do something amazing for themselves. So what are all the things that we can do to reward them for doing that amazing thing for themself, to encourage them to try things and to explain things that they don't understand. 

Because it's not intuitive. Like it might be for us because we teach it and we talk about it and we do it all the time. But for the average person, Pilates is like learning a new language and we've gotta be patient with the people in our classes. 

So what are actionable strategies? What can you do in your classes right now to help people grow? I'm very glad you asked. I've got some for you. 

So you have to be patient and being patient comes easier to some people than others. There's all kinds of things. You know, you can take a breath, you know, take a step back. Instead of reacting, think about responding. So it's not just that knee jerk reflex, but okay, alright, they're not getting it. You know, where can I go [00:13:00] from here without getting caught up in this narrative? 

 Remember also like a client's ability to perform an exercise is not a reflection of you as a teacher. You know, we're not like training or like coaching people to be in competitions or anything. You know, like we're showing them exercises and helping them get stronger and more flexible and more coordinated and work on balance and like all of these things. But it's not a performance, you know, they're not being judged by anyone. The only person they're competing with is themselves. 

So our job is to give them tools and to show like a path forward. So if a client is struggling with doing something, like what is the bridge we can build between where they are and where they wanna be, where we wanna take them for the exercise. Like what are the stepping stones that we can like show them? Like a roadmap. Can we give them [00:14:00] another variation of the exercise that, you know, gives them a little taste of where they could go, that challenges them in a way that they'll get stronger and be ready for another challenge the next week or in a few weeks, or in a few months, or in a few years.

I've said before that the best thing about teaching Pilates is that there is no time limit. People aren't signing up for three sessions and they have to have a hundred percent Pilates perfection in three sessions. You know, it doesn't all have to happen in one class. As teachers, we're planting the seed, if that's the metaphor you like, or polishing the stone, which is one of Dan's metaphors. He was on the podcast. Love that. That you're, you know, giving feedback, you're giving corrections and not getting frustrated if they don't land, because it might click for them the next time, you know, or the next, next time or three weeks down the road, they'll have an aha moment, you [00:15:00] know? But they won't be here three weeks down the road if we shut down when they get confused, or if they aren't following the directions.

As a teacher, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, that when you are kind and you're clear, and you give corrections in a way that are encouraging, like I've talked about, using invitational language where if you're correcting someone's form, if they're doing something and you'd like them to do something else, that it's framed positively.

Could you keep that knee bent when you press back for your lunge? You know, could you keep the carriage still when you lift your hips into the bridge? Could you pull the carriage into the bumper so the carriage doesn't move out while you're bridging. That it's not, oh my gosh, you're doing it wrong. It's, Hey, could you try it like this? How would it feel if you did this? You [00:16:00] know, and really treating our clients like the autonomous adults that they are, where they can make a choice for themself if they wanna try this or this. 

And if a client is doing bridge on the reformer, which is the example I just gave, and their feet are on the foot bar and whatever spring tension they're on, and the carriage is moving out, like it's okay. Like, we can take a breath and say, all right, I asked them to pull the carriage in. I ask them to pull the carriage into the bumper. I ask them to keep their knees bent. I ask them to shoot their knees across the room, like however you're cueing to keep the carriage still and they're still pressing the carriage out, like.

What do we do from here? Do we get upset and frustrated or can we flip that? Like what can I do right now to support this person? Can I add an additional spring on so the carriage is heavier and they're less likely to move it? Could I give a touch cue if you like giving tactile cues, you know, could I take my [00:17:00] index finger kind of behind their knee and pull them towards the foot bar so that the carriage is coming in?

You know, could I chat with that person. Hey, I love the lift you're getting in your hips. Can you pull the carriage any closer to the bumper? And then not being, you know, frustrated if they don't do it. You know, like you are controlling what you could control, which is how you react to whatever situation it is. You know? 

Because when people feel safe in your classes, they will enjoy the class more because they won't feel like they're under a spotlight. And it's not saying that you can't offer corrections, like, of course! That's one of the greatest things we can do as a teacher, is offer our feedback and share with our clients what we see. Because we are a third party. We're not doing the exercise, we're watching them and we see things that they can't. So it's very important that we give feedback, but can we make our clients feel good when we do that, you know. 

[00:18:00] There are so many ways to do it, and you'll find ways that feel authentic to you, whether it's giving compliments, whether it's telling people, all right, you're doing so great at this, you know, fitness reward: let's do something a little bit more challenging because this is starting to look, you know, really doable for you, so we wanna add some challenge to help you take it even further. We all connect with our clients differently, but when people feel safe and they trust us as teachers, because when they first come into the studio, they might trust us as like the expert in Pilates, but they may not really trust us as a person. 'cause we're asking people to do some like pretty wild things, you know? So we want our clients to trust us so that they're willing to try, to go out on a limb because they know that we're looking out for them. 

And so really creating that space, I think is so important, first and foremost, that people feel welcome in the space, [00:19:00] that they don't feel judged, that they feel okay trying something and maybe not getting it perfect because doing something imperfectly is the first step towards doing it well. So we have to get over that kind of clunky baby horse phase where we're doing the thing, but it's really jerky and it's not smooth and it's not super controlled, but we're like fighting our way through it. You have to do that first to do it really gracefully and really smoothly and in a really coordinated way. You can't just jump all of the work to get to that smooth thing. So sometimes we spend a lot of time in the clunky baby horse phase where you're kind of stumbling through it on your way to doing it really, really well.

Creating that space where people feel safe, feel willing to try, it's a big deal because they'll come back and take your classes because they'll know that you're looking out for them and that you are keeping an eye on [00:20:00] them and that you're gonna give them challenges and that you're not gonna feel bad if they take the challenge or if they don't take the challenge because it's up to them really and that it results in more full classes for you and those people bringing their friends and the referrals that you'll get. You know, like the positive ripple effect is just as big as what the negative ripple effect can be. And since we are also autonomous beings, we can make that choice to have that positive ripple effect as well.

And the more people who are doing Pilates out there and sharing Pilates and having a dedicated movement practice is good for the whole world. Everyone, everyone they know, everyone we know. Like it's good. It's good for everyone. 

And I do wanna add that sometimes it's about how can you best support yourself? Because a lot of times as teachers, we get frustrated and annoyed a lot more easily [00:21:00] when we are feeling run down and we are feeling a little bit burnt out and we aren't having the same general energy because we're kind of running on fumes ourselves.

So if that's the situation that you are in, it's hard to give from an empty cup, as they say. Maybe the solution is in order to give yourself the ability to be patient with people, you give yourself some time to recharge your batteries and take time to move for yourself or take a class for yourself, or, you know, have some time away from the studio, away from teaching.

And I know that we can't always just drop everything and go on vacation, but at the same time, like recharging our batteries is what allows us to give the most of ourselves and the best of ourselves to our clients. And so also make sure that you're taking [00:22:00] care of yourself in this equation.

In short, it's really easy to get frustrated and get annoyed, like those are really easy things to do. But I'm gonna encourage you to do your best to not do it. Or even if you are frustrated, to not act on it, because our clients know when we're not feeling it. You know, like it's a vibe and it's not a great vibe. So what can we do to make their day better, you know, and be this really bright spot in people's days and I think a big thing is being patient.

Huge thank you to all my supporters on Buy Me A Coffee. Really looking forward to April coffee chats and oh my gosh, we're almost to May, which is wild. Especially thanks to newest supporter, Carrie. Thanks so much for joining the project. I can't wait to chat Pilates and Pilates teaching strategies.

But yeah, I hope everyone has a great rest of their week and a lovely weekend. The [00:23:00] adventure continues. Until next time.